My best friend got me this fantastic book by Greg Behrendt called ‘Its Called a Break-Up Because It’s Broken’ and I have recently begun reading a chapter every night to kind of process everything that is going on in my life right now, and it is really helping.. There are 7 steps to a break-0ver.. Greg says its only a break up if you let it control your life if you take it and use it as a turning point its a break-over (similar to make-over but it hurts a lot more), he also said that you should just take all the pain at once instead of in little increments over a long period of time… kind of like the lottery.. take it all at once and its going to be harder now but it will be faster and easier later..
anyways the 7 commands are :
The First Commandment – Don’t see him or talk to him for sixty days
This is the most important thing you can do for yourself. This means NO CONTACT. Not only can you not reach out, you can accept no calls or visits. This is a self imposed “he-tox”.
Some suggestions to keep you on track:
- Reorganize a closet
- Learn to knit and start a knitting group
- Become a Big Sister and work with underprivileged children
The Second Commandment – Get yourself a breakup buddy
Your breakup buddy will be the person you turn to when you are having a moment of weakness, feeling lonely or about to eat two buckets of fried chicken. Here are a few requirements for choosing the right Breakup Buddy:
- Has at least a mild knowledge of your relationship.
- Has a cell phone, pager, or other reliable way of being contacted.
- Lives in close enough proximity to be accessible during emergency breakup meltdowns.
Note to the Breakup Buddy:
- It is NOT your job to fix this person.
- It’s ok to set limits.
- Make it fun.
The Third Commandment – Get rid of his stuff and the things that remind you of him
Greg suggests you have a Boxing Day. It is up to you what goes and what stays. Three boxes are needed for a Boxing Day:
- Return to Sender (His Box) – His Cds, his ipod, camera, his clothing, the baby photo his mom gave you of him.
- Keepsakes for Pete’s Sake (Your Box) – Photos, love letters, and birthday cards.
- Straight-Up Trash (Sayonora!) – His toothbrush, razor, retainer and Rogaine.
The Fourth Commandment – Get your ass in motion everyday
This could be as simple as just leaving the house everyday. Remember the Sun? Take yourself on a walk, take your broken heart to the movies or simply get in the car and drive. Just get moving.
The Fifth Commandment – Don’t wear your breakup out in the world
No more public breakdowns or tantrums. No more crying at your desk, shouting into your cell phone, or fighting with your ex at restaurants. How you present yourself is a projection of what your life looks like. Take off your victim pants and show the world the most rocking version of you that anyone (including you) has ever seen.
The Sixth Commandment – No backsliding!
Starting over is hard. Starting over again is even harder. Backsliding includes everything from the little “catch up” call to the big Kahuna of backsliding- break up sex- and everything in between.
The Seventh Commandment – It won’t work unless you are number one
You are the prize, the sun, the moon, and the stars. You have to learn to love yourself, like yourself, and put yourself first before you will ever find the healthy, loving, and lasting relationship you’re looking for.
The Seven Commandments are taken from:
It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Break-Up Buddy by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt
so right now i am on commandment one.. 60 days..
today is day 3.. so far so good.. im also kind of combining it with commandments 2,3 and 4.. im packing up all of the stuff and i have a list of people that I can call no matter what and I have my new roommate who is home most of the time that I am.. My big wakes me up every morning with a text message that keeps me from thinking about him.. and when i go downstairs I have megan and when i go to class I have bree and when i come home my big has just gotten off work so i get here again and i am so blessed to have such amazing friends that know what a hard time im going through..but with my friends they keep me busy and going out and positive.. packing up the stuff i think is going to be the hardest..but it is for the best.. 60 days … i can do this..
One thought on “There are 7 Break Up Commandments”
you can do this 🙂 i’m glad the book is helping- i knew it’d be really bad/terrible, or really helpful. i’m glad it’s the latter. i love you SO very much & when i get paid, i’ll make a weekend trip up there. you’re so beautiful & as much as this hurts, you’re worth it- to yourself & the rest of us! LOVE YOU -big