well now its 3 am and my whole apartment is still awake.. our hours of operation are crazy.. my best friends figured out today that I have a blog.. both of which are not suprised but they dont know why they never thought about it before.. they wanna go back through all of my previous blogs and post on each one.. neither of which has the natural attention span to do so haha.. so just so they both are mentioned somewhere.. em.. tink.. i love you!! haha

its pouring right now.. and em is trying to figure out why the weather changes so drastically and tink and I explain by just saying.. its Texas.. see E is from New Jersey and doesnt quite understand our weather cycles.. even after starting her 5th year here.. but i cant really say anything because I wouldnt understand NJ weather..

its offically 4 am and ive gotten like almost nothing done.. i have 4 hours before my first test at 8 a.m. and my 11 a.m. class is not meeting today due to Mass Comm Week.. and then my second test is at 12:30 p.m. soo 9 – 12 studying for algebra… again.. i gotta figure out how to do like 6 of the problems on the test haha.. but i really should start studying!  3 hours! haha..

My neighbors just came banging on the door looking for cigarettes and a dance party.. I love my friends haha.. so its pouring the girls are out on the porch and instead of studying im doing this.. update update haha..

Study Time ❤

playing around on linked in today I found my dad’s blog.. and it reminded me that I havent blogged in awhile.. no matter how many times my big has reminded me too.. so since June.. Updates..

My big got married!! finally!! after 17 months of engagement she is officially an Adams! the wedding was beautiful and she was the most gorgeous bride I have ever seen.. and I could plan a wedding in a week if I needed too. We were up for two days straight, and if I never hear the word vellum again I will be a happy woman. Congrats Big & Trey!! ❤

I am in the middle of my last fall semester of my undergraduate degree.. thank goodness.. Im taking 15 hours and although it doesnt really feel like school is in session, Im doing pretty well.. A’s & B’s in most of my classes.. struggling a bit in economics.. but not because i dont understand the material, I just dont like the way he forms his test questions.. but I’m adjusting..

I am active in my sorority again for the fall and spring, and paying for it myself.. trying anyways.. i really need to find a job.. but i love AXiD and would put myself into debt for my sisters if thats what it took.. its means the world to me.. I owe a little over a 1k right now.. but i know i can do it eventually and they’re supporting me in every step

I have an additional little! Marissa! shes adorable, shes a sophomore from Lake Jackson 🙂 so that makes 2! Sarah (my  other little) is doing very well this semester and is very excited to be a grand big since I also have a new great grand little! also named Kayla.. so its Jenna -> Caitlin ->Me -> Sarah/Marissa -> Kayla -> Kayla.. the Giraffe family is growing 🙂

Ive been home a few times this semester.. well once really.. not as much as I would like but its hard to go home.. I know it shouldnt be because its my home.. full of people that love me.. but not so much each other.. and everyone knows im the baby of the family.. not the youngest.. but the most emotional.. dramatic as my mother would put it.. I will be the first to get my feelings hurt and the last to take things lightly.. and with the turmoil at the house I cant really take it.. I love my parents.. both of them.. and they make it hard to chose sides..

My dad came to visit for Alpha Xi Delta’s Dads Day at the Races!! and it was a very eventful weekend.. more productive than eventful really.. I have shelves! that are actually in the walls! and I have groceries.. thats a first! I can see my desk! its not cluttered with everything that needed to be on my shelves that reallly needed to be hung.. thats one of the things my dad is best at! well.. hes best at taking care of me in anyway that he can.. whether it be hanging my shelves so that it looks like i actually live in my apartment.. or buying me groceries that he knows i can/will cook knowing full well that he will have to endure wrath later for the money spent..  ❤ I love him.

I got my LSAT score back..167 not too great.. but not horrible.. I am going to re-take it again in December, assuming that I figure out a way to pay for it..I wish the government would consider more than just montary income when deciding who gets money and who doesnt.. I mean I know we’re not the worst off family but with this economy my dad cant find a job and my mom is providing for a family of 5.. and thats not easy on any salary..

My sister turns 17 in 6 days.. that is so scary.. she has become such an amazing woman.. she is slowly coming into her own and I am so proud of the accomplishments she has made so far..

My sweet sweet little brother.. wont be so little very soon.. he is now 12.. and playing football, baseball, and golf.. he really should focus on golf.. later on in life golf will be the sport that takes him the furthest.. He is so caring, and so genuine and I cant wait to see what he becomes.. he always texts me.. with misspelled words.. asking to Skype and just talk for a bit.. usually at the most inconvinent moments too.. we need to arrange a time to meet online!

My family means the world to me.. and its hard to watch it fall apart knowing there is nothing that I can do about it and that I am the only one who feels this way.. I know its going to affect my brother.. he doesnt know it yet.. but it will.. I think its hardest because I know the situation would be different if the economy was different.. my life hasnt always been the easiest but its mine.. I know most kids didnt have to go to therapy and I dont enjoy getting yelled at but it made me who I am today and I am a strong woman with a determination to succeed.. and that came from my parents.. not one, but both.. my mom is such an amazing person.. I strive to be any where near as successful as she is one day.. she is my goal.. and my dad is so caring.. I know we have our differences but we have a lot of similarities, and he trys.. so hard.. he has an ambition that i dont think anyone sees but me.. well me and suzy his sister.. she’s always seen it.. she pushes him daily.. and without the combination of the two I dont know where I would be today.. I certainly wouldnt be going to law school.. I wouldnt have any arguing skills.. I wouldnt be concerned about being able to provide for myself.. and I wouldnt have made it as far as I have.

Thats it for tonight I think.. I got kind of emotional reading my dads blog so I felt the need to get it out.. Im going to try and keep up a little bit more I promise.. off to bed I have an 8 a.m. class! on the bright side Bree is picking me up in her gorgeous brand new 2010 camero.. which makes going to school just a littllleee bit better

Sweet Dreams

So i know it has been awhile since I have kept up with my blog but as of today.. well tonight.. I am going to do my best to at least update every few days!! things that have changed in my life.. Hang on I have to read my last entry to figure out where we left off in the epic tale I love to refer to as my life.. okay ready..

Changes!

I am legally aloud to drink

I have a fantastic Grand Little named Kayla 🙂

Big’s wedding is only 2 months away.. SCARY!

I got a new job as a waitress! Its fantastic 🙂

It’s Summer!!!

I’m not graduating until May of 2010 🙂 and I will start law school in August! ahh!

I take the LSAT in September.. which means I “should” lock myself in my apartment and study all the time buttt.. thats never going to happen so lets just pray for me 🙂

anyways sooo back to me 🙂 I just read through a couple of the most recent blogs and I want everyone to know that I am so happy with my life.. I have two fantastic roommates, a gorgeous best friend that is getting married in 2 months!!, a great family! awesome friends and an amazing job! I can not tell you what a great decision I made..  I forgot what it was really like to be on my own but I love it 🙂

Anyways I just wanted to say that I am starting up today! I’ll post pictures soon of all of my recent adventures! LOVE!

C

Megan and I are watching Sanda Bullock movies and it makes me want to find mr. perfect which is not good! I fall in love with every movie star in every movie that seems like a good guy.. I want a boy to walk me home really I just want a boy to want me.. I want to refuse to chase anyone but its so fun haha 🙂 I want a lot of things in life.. Anyway off to my very good news for the week!

5 days until my big comes to visit!!!

2 weeks until spring break!!!

30 days until my birthday!!!

58 days until Big/Little appreciation!!!

9 months until I graduate college!!!

10-17 months until I go to law school!!!

okay i think thats it for now 🙂 im very excited

today is the real new chapter in my life, and the close of an old one.

today i got all of my stuff back, got rid of all of his stuff and now im just me.. by myself.. and im happy and most importantly i didnt feel a thing no regret no sadness no anything.. just content to be me..

i really dont have much to update it has been a really relaxed month so far, upcoming i have  a bunch of tests and a bunch of fun to be had! tomorrow night one of my best friends is taking me to the San Antonio rodeo to see Brooks and Dunn in concert! and i am so excite because Saturday I am going with her to see Cross Canadian Ragweed! and we always have a fantastic time together 🙂

this month my goals are to …

clean my room

meet new people

go home one weekend

get A’s on my tests

and.. keep up on my life 🙂

ill update after the concert tomorrow!

xo

This weekend I went to Dallas! It was a great escape from SM and I had so much fun with my family minus the fact that I am ridiculously sick! i still do not feel well at all but it was a very good time for me to go since next weekend is valentines and i dont want to be anywhere NEAR dallas for that.. in fact i will be in Austin probably.. Citizen Cope is playing at Stubbs BBQ and that sounds to me like a fantastic idea!

so here is a new thought haha how do we feel about Match.com? It might be a bit of a confidence boost.. we shall see.. the idea has been planted haha

i hate getting sick because there is nothing that i can do about it.. there is almost no medicine that I can take, except for the stuff with the heart on the box which i have been downing for the past 4 days! and this one nose spray that says not to use it for more than 3 days in a row? haha.. tonight will not be a good sleep without nose spray! ALSO! my blanket is at the dry cleaners and it wont be done until monday at 5 so no blanket tonight! blah!

gotta get back to the grammys! haha xo

live

My best friend got me this fantastic book by Greg Behrendt called ‘Its Called a Break-Up Because It’s Broken’ and I have recently begun reading a chapter every night to kind of process everything that is going on in my life right now, and it is really helping.. There are 7 steps to a break-0ver.. Greg says its only a break up if you let it control your life if you take it and use it as a turning point its a break-over (similar to make-over but it hurts a lot more), he also said that you should just take all the pain at once instead of in little increments  over a long period of time… kind of like the lottery.. take it all at once and its going to be harder now but it will be faster and easier later..

anyways the 7 commands are :

This weekend I spent a very needed weekend with my big and her family in Sugarland! It was soo much fun to be back in a family environment! I miss her so much, it is so hard without her here because ive never actually had to be without her here.. since the semester i transferred to the semester before my last… I cant imagine not having her advice and her arms and her brain to remind me of everything that I need and I want and I deserve.. I cant imagine my life without her 🙂

This weekend we did so many fun things and I got to take my mind off of real life for a few days.. It was nice to go out and relax and just hang out with my big and her family, who really feel like my family (my second family at least). When I am with them very rarely do I get sad.. upset maybe but not sad.. unfortuantly I cant be there all the time because I have 15 hours to take care of this semester and I want Deans List! I’ve missed it the last two semester because I  had a 3.4 and a 3.47… Ridiculous! ROUND UP! 🙂 haha sorry..

So my title hasnt been addressed yet.. Here is my issue.. I dont know what I want with my life.. I am still so in love with a man that I am not with.. and after talking to him, he is doing the things that I wanted him to do.. getting a hobby, saving, and hanging out with friends and networking.. and I cant take that away from him .. Everyone tells me that I am better off and I just cant help but hurt..

any suggestions? i want to fix it but i dont know if you can fix something thats really broken..

The first day of school is always pretty easy.. I didnt got to my 8a.m. class because I am trying to get into a different one but it doesnt look like it is going to be possible 😦 Today I had Information Gathering & Analysis which was interesting because we watched the presidential inauguration and our task was to make observations and get good quotes.. my other class was writing for electronic media, which is my life so its exciting for me.

Today has not been terrible.. It was my first day back to work, and my first day at school.. but other than that I got a flat tire today! It is not as bad as it sounds.. I drove to Discount Tire and they replaced it for free because my tires have warrenties 🙂 but  I also found out two of my tires are only at 50% traction.. which is not good apparently.. he told me i have 10,000 miles left on my tires but he doesnt know it they will make it that long because i didnt rotate them like I am supposed to (this seems to be a re-occuring theme with me)…

My big told me about a really good book today and then told me she was going to have it for me when i get to Sugarland! I am very excited because I think it will help a lot with all of the pain that I am going through right now.. I can not wait to go to Sugarland and spend the weekend with my big! i miss her so much! and car car too! I cant wait to do wedding stuff and meet Trey’s grooms men 🙂 and any of Caitlins bridesmaids that are available!

Megan started a blog yesterday and I think it would be a great way for you to get to know my new roommate and kinda what shes going through!

anyways thats the end of my day and writing for now.. im doing okay.. not great but not horrible..

Laugh

Today is harder than yesterday..

Tomorrow classes start and i have an 8am, a 9:30am, a 11am, and a 12:30pm… and I am going back to work tomorrow.. and I am going to be busy and stressed a bit.. there are good things today

– i only cried a few times

– i got the books that i know i need, and some spirals for class

– i went grocery shopping with megan

– i have a great new roommate! (no one will every replace my bestfriend so hush)

– tomorrow starts a new life.. i get to see Bree and start a new diet and workout routine…

– maybe tomorrow will be a better day

its hard for me because i feel like i am alone when i know that i am not.. i feel like we’re still together and i feel like im not ready for it to be over yet.. i want him to want to fight for me.. but he cant.. he has called me a few times and although we have said how hard it is and how much we hurt he hasnt said I want  you back or I cant live without you… and thats the hardest part.. i think ive kind of narrowed down what i really look for in a man..

i need a man who wants me, without any doubt in his mind.. someone who treats me the way i deserve to be treated.. i need a romantic man who thinks to bring me a flower just coming to hang out, just little thoughtful things.. i want someone who wants to talk to me every second of every day and we never run out of things to talk about.. someone who understands that im kind of crazy and outgoing and embraces it.. someone who wont tell me not to do things that i love doing.. a man with a great family who really understands what it means to be close to your family.. someone who knows where they’re going in life and what their ambitions are… i need someone intellictual who understands that you dont always have to be serious.. and by always i mean almost never.. i need someone who wants to lay on the couch and watch Disney channel with me.. i want someone who loves to cook, and can cook well! Physically I need someone taller than I am and I am usually attracted to brunettes.. i need an athletic man.. someone who will inspire me to stay fit..  and i need someone who tells me everyday that I am beautiful.. not that i need to hear it but because i want someone to feel that way..

okay well im done with that for now.. Bachorette 2009? maybe!

Love