This is Really Hard

Today is harder than yesterday..

Tomorrow classes start and i have an 8am, a 9:30am, a 11am, and a 12:30pm… and I am going back to work tomorrow.. and I am going to be busy and stressed a bit.. there are good things today

– i only cried a few times

– i got the books that i know i need, and some spirals for class

– i went grocery shopping with megan

– i have a great new roommate! (no one will every replace my bestfriend so hush)

– tomorrow starts a new life.. i get to see Bree and start a new diet and workout routine…

– maybe tomorrow will be a better day :/

its hard for me because i feel like i am alone when i know that i am not.. i feel like we’re still together and i feel like im not ready for it to be over yet.. i want him to want to fight for me.. but he cant.. he has called me a few times and although we have said how hard it is and how much we hurt he hasnt said I want  you back or I cant live without you… and thats the hardest part.. i think ive kind of narrowed down what i really look for in a man..

i need a man who wants me, without any doubt in his mind.. someone who treats me the way i deserve to be treated.. i need a romantic man who thinks to bring me a flower just coming to hang out, just little thoughtful things.. i want someone who wants to talk to me every second of every day and we never run out of things to talk about.. someone who understands that im kind of crazy and outgoing and embraces it.. someone who wont tell me not to do things that i love doing.. a man with a great family who really understands what it means to be close to your family.. someone who knows where they’re going in life and what their ambitions are… i need someone intellictual who understands that you dont always have to be serious.. and by always i mean almost never.. i need someone who wants to lay on the couch and watch Disney channel with me.. i want someone who loves to cook, and can cook well! Physically I need someone taller than I am and I am usually attracted to brunettes.. i need an athletic man.. someone who will inspire me to stay fit..  and i need someone who tells me everyday that I am beautiful.. not that i need to hear it but because i want someone to feel that way..

okay well im done with that for now.. Bachorette 2009? maybe!

 

Love

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3 thoughts on “This is Really Hard

  1. little!!!!!!!!!

    i love your comment after the “i have a great new roommate” because i had SO just told trey that i felt stupid because i was worried that this new girl had moved into my room & was spending all this time with my best friend. you read my mind.

    and about that last paragraph, that man is out there (waiting for you,) and maybe you’ll meet him on the bachelorette… i knew i had a good idea hehe

    LOVE YOU LITTLE!! you’re beautiful.

  2. I agree with big caitlin! but maybe you feel lonely because you have been dating someone for one whole year which makes me think you’re a grown up now, but you do need someone who likes disney and doesn’t want you to like brocolie and takes and GIVES well

  3. Good morning miss lil! I love seeing that you’ve defined “Mr. Right”….I can’t wait to meet him once he finds you! More importantly, you deserve all that and more! I’m proud that you’ve seen that, and just want to remind you…it’s just a process, the healing. Not a permanent place. You’re going to be better by the day.know your Big is SO excited to see you, and am sure Carmen will do a happy dance when you arrive. Btw…the rest of us are excited too. Have a great day love!!

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